The Story of Lisa the Lotus - Part 1

Goodbye and Hello

In March of this year I sold my beloved Porsche 996 Turbo. Even typing it now makes me feel sad. It was a funny sort of an un-special thing most of the time but those 996 turbos are true monsters and mine made a deep impression on me.

I sold it for 3 reasons:

1.    It was bleeding me white with maintenance bills

2.    I barely used it – it became a 3^rd car and was used for about 3,000 miles per year

3.    The market was dropping quite quickly and it made no sense to keep hold of an expensive to own but barely used super car which is depreciating faster than a race horse with an STD.

4.    Oh and I wanted to do track days and doing track days in a 996 turbo can be a very expensive exercise (that’s 4 reasons).

I was going to buy a Porsche 944 Turbo S. I love those cars. I owned a red one with cream leather (very 1980s) back in the day and really really loved it. The trouble is that many of the these amazing machines have become so cheap that the are own by the ‘wrong sorts’ Wrong sorts are those who refuse to spend £1000+ per year maintaining a car worth less than £6000, when they should clearly lavish money on the car through devotion to the art.

I must be a wrongish sort too because I added up the cost of sorting out an ok-ish car to my ‘happy’ standard and got to £4,000 before I even looked at engine rebuilds. Crazy money pit idea. All of these cars are old and have big miles…

So that was out. 

The next idea was an ordinary water cooled 2003 Porsche 996. These are smashing cars to drive and they’re great value. They were not best made Porsches ever and getting one to track day spec would have cost £5,000 without breaking sweat. Oh and knowing my luck I would have gotten one with cylinder bore wear or intermediate shaft problems (nice cheap sort of engine out / engine in bits job to fix). See 1^st paragraph on reasons for selling the 996 Turbo

So that was out.

Then I had the nostalgic idea of buying an aircooled Porsche 964 from the late 80s/early 90s. Great. The trouble is that a lot of people who owned these the first time round (I’ve had 2) now want them again. Not that many were made and so guess what is happening to the prices? Yep, sky high. Oh and they are getting old now and old cars need lots of maintenance to get them A1. Oh and everything on a 964 takes ages to do so the bills are always high (See 1^st paragraph on reasons for selling the 996 Turbo).

So that was out.

Then I decided to become a heretic and started looking at Lotus. Maybe the menopause is coming and I’m getting hormonal or something but these looked good.

I liked the idea of the Exige: Toyota engine, world class handling, quick, simple design. Very striking design, solid residuals. All perfect except that they were (and are) outside my £15,000 budget.

So that was out.

So then I looked at the Elise. I discarded the Elise Series 1 as being too basic and mickey mouse. The Elise S2 R looked perfect but then I saw one driving by and thought. That was soooo boring. Is that it?

All the cool ones like the super-charged car or the Sports Racer (me likey that one) were way out of the price range.

So that was out as well.

But then I saw an advert on Pistonheads for an Elise S1 Sport 190. Not a genuine factory Lotus one but a standard car which had been back to Lotus (and others) to have the sport 190 bits added. A King’s ransom had been spent doing this by the owner (It would have been MUCH cheaper the buy the genuine article in the first place but perhaps he couldn’t get one from Lotus – they were hard to come by). There were still a few things that had not been upgraded to S190 spec but I thought: “That’s no big deal, a couple of brake disks and a front anti-roll bar isn’t going to break the bank” –

So I agreed the price with the dealer and collected the car a couple of weeks later. By the time I had got it home I decided that I hated it and wanted to give it back. After a 2 hour drive I was deaf, stinking of fuel and fumes (and man-smell from the seats). The car was bogging in side and my back hurt like hell. I thought I was going to be sick on the drive way and started crying. On reflection, that was as much the exhaust and petrol fumes as anything else. So I had a shower to wash the muck me and gave the car a wash too. I felt sorry for us both.