Together for ever in electric dreams

In the 1960s, my Dad was involved in the electric Mini project. It was in the end a bit of a failure. The electric drive and battery systems worked just fine but in the end the poor realization of the automotive engineering let it down but I’m sure things are very different now. A lot of time has past after all and billions have been spent…

I finally got behind the rather large and American friendly wheel of the Tesla model S the other weekend. My partner insisted that I stop rabbiting on about one and actually drive the darn thing. We were at the London Docklands motor show and I thought “why not, the economics sort of stack up so I should actually drive it”.

I have been trying to crystalize my thoughts on the Tesla S. It’s a confusing car. It’s sort of part techno curio, part American cruiser and part F22 Raptor fighter jet.

A star for the tech. It's deeply deeply impressive. All the systems seem to be upgradable over the air. Self park and self drive appear to be in Beta at the moment and once they are released, owners will get them as a Flash-over-the –air upgrade. For a telematics guru like me, this is manna from heaven.

And it goes well. I mean Porsche 991 Turbo S levels of acceleration. And lets remember that this was the 85D model, the P85 D model has about 30% more umph.  The website says 0-62 in 4.4s. I would say it’s every bit as fast as that.

And now for the downside. Steering feel. What steering feel? Even on the sportiest setting, it’s utterly anodyne think  2003 Mercedes C class and you’re close!

And then there’s the column shift. I hate hate hate having the gear shifter (such as it is on an EV) on the steering column. That’s a granny car thing to have. Why not have cool crystal buttons on the dash like the Aston DB 9 has?

Oh and for a car that is a rival to an Audi A8 – why is their no space in the back? I am 5’ 11’’ and there is no way an adult can comfortably sit behind me.

If you hate having to clear out side bins and storage lockers in the back seat then the good news is that there aren’t any. Nothing, nada nitto. Presumably such items need to be stored on the floor? Apparently Elon likes minimalism which means we get an impractical car.

All this vexes me. You see I really wanted to love the Tesla. These flaws cannot be written off. If it was a Ferrari 488 GTB rival or something to buy instead of an Aventador then I would forgive all sorts of design poops for a truly unique driving experience. Hyper cars are allowed to be awkward and silly. Executive saloons cannot.

The Model S has to go toe to toe with the Audi A8, Jaguar XJ, Mercedes S class and the BMW 7 series and it can’t really because they are all better cars. The Audi especially wins because it has a brand built on cleverness and efficiency. It’s cleverer and more efficient than the Tesla.

So in the end it’s the silly old automotive engineering that lets the Tesla Model S down. You see, the big OEMs have been making cars for a very long time. They have metrics and tests for every kind of vehicle behavior and characteristic. Sometimes they make a dull car but at this level they do not.

…And don’t get me started on how you actually charge the thing if you live in rural Essex!

So I won't have a Tesla in my driveway just yet. But we will still be together. Forever in electric dreams 

That's the noise that annoys the noisy oyster

The Ferrari 360 is bit of an enigma really. It looks awesome. People offer to do very naughty things in order to get a ride in it (none have had their offers accepted). It goes like shot off a shivel and I love the way it drives.

The problem is not with the way it drives. The problem is with way it sounds. As standard they are a bit....well…farty sounding really. Sounds more like a 1970s Ford Escort Mexico than a prancing horse. Not right. Definitely not right.

I resolved to deal with this lack of a decent exhaust tune and so did my research. I lurked on a load of fora ( forums ?) AND spoke to Furlonger Specialist Cars. Yep, everyone agreed. Novitec Rosso make the best 360 sports exhaust. No doubt. 100%. Count me in.

And lo, as luck would have it I found a new one for sale on the Bay of E. A price was agreed and the beastie was shipped directly to Furlonger and I was a happy girlie.

Except that this bliss did not last long. Oh no. When the car rolled out of the transporter (I love that) the noise was quite something. Shaky windows stuff. It made a lovely sound at idle. Quite antisocial in everyway.

So what’s the problem then, why so unhappy? Ah because I have a 5-year-old son whose little ears are too delicate for this almost straight through system. I tried it on 4 journeys and then decided to give up. I would have to go back to the old stock system. Pants

The thought of fitting the old rusty heavy exhaust system to a place of the gorgeous shiny gold Novitec was too much to bear.  So I called an expert to ask for help.

Tim Walker at Walkersport is such an expert. There is nothing he doesn’t know about Ferraris. He’s just that kind of guy. Anyway, long story short, he recommend getting a 430 exhaust and having it modded to fit a 360. We had a really nice techy/ geeky chat about why this option would work best.

So all I would have to do is to find a 430 exhaust in good nick and then get a fab shop to make the mods…Simples.

But things got even better. It so happened that a Ferrari track instructor had such a system  - suitably chopped – that he wanted to sell. So I bought it before you could say brmm brmm.

And now my car is lovely. At idle and anything below 3500 rpm, it sounds like a basey Ford Mexico. Nothing flash or sinister. And then as I press my foot down harder on the gas peddle, something strange happens. The happy little kitty that was gently purring behind me becomes a rabid tiger after a night on Stella. I love it. It’s purrrfect